Saturday, November 1, 2008

it is much too early for ABBA.

Good morning from work. Love how we open at 7am on Saturday, and most weekends, nobody comes in until about 8:30. Someone remind me why we don't change the hours? I'd much prefer to not have to get up at 6am on a Saturday to be here at 7 and sit by myself for 90 minutes eating dry Apple Jacks.

I did have one member in this morning, actually, so that was nice. A little social interaction is always welcome. I've been trying to get out of the house a little more - failing miserably, I'm sure. I try not to count my regular deliveries, so spending an hour "hanging out" with my apartment manager (she was bored too!) on Thursday was something different, and though we've been to 2 concerts already, with a 3rd (Local H!) in about 10 days, that's about as active as my social life seems to get.

I have a small group of friends here, and we have a local message board so we keep in touch daily, most of us from work, but we don't get together all that often anymore. Everyone is busy lately, and with the holidays fast approaching, I know it just gets worse from here. Having to share the car makes it a lot more difficult. The few times the girls do meet up for lunch or Happy Hour, I usually can't make it, because M has class or is at work. It sucks to be lonely. Being on the insecure side that I am, I can't help but wonder about once a month if somehow I irritated everyone; perhaps they get together more than I realize, and I've just not been invited. Its all silly paranoia leftover from a crappy high school experience, and at least I can acknowledge that.

M and I have been...distant..too. We spend just as much time together as we normally do since school started, but I've been feeling lonely when it comes to us too. Sure, we had a blast at both concerts. We had fun watching the basketball game last night, passing out candy to the few trick-or-treaters we saw, but things feel off. Maybe its stress; I know he's trying to think of a subject for his next film project on top of two other class projects to work on plus his regular day-to-day garbage for work. I'm sure at least some of that is contributing to the 3 week (and counting) dry spell, but it certainly doesn't help me to feel any less lonely. I try to want to go to bed at the same time he does, "just in case...", but I have trouble feeling tired at 10:30 or 11pm when I've spent all day at home doing a lot of nothing and busy work, so I fumble my way to bed around 2am, when he's long since asleep, and lay awake in the dark, wishing I could have my husband back.

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