Saturday, December 13, 2008


Are you one of those people who feels blue and lonely during the holiday season? I am. Maybe its because I'm so far away from my family, maybe its because I don't feel quite "home" here yet, but I find myself feeling particularly isolated this year.

We put our tree up last weekend. Four days later, I put some ornaments up. Alone. M and I have always decorated the tree together. The last time I remember decorating a tree alone was when I was 17. Mom and I lived in this gorgeous condo in Plymouth, MI. She was working about a zillion hours a week and I knew that if I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done. I put on some Christmas music, just loud enough to be obnoxious to the cranky seniors who lived in our community (ooh, did they ever hate me!), and I put up lights and ornaments as high as I could possibly reach. That year, Mom was taking us all to San Diego, right after Christmas, to visit with my oldest brother and his wife, who was expecting baby #1, my first nephew. The gifts under the tree were to be light that year, since the trip was our big gift. I bought Mom two CDs - Pete Droge and the Sinners and George Thorogood.

She bought me a Clapper. Yeah. "Clap on! Clap off! Clap on, clap off, the Clapper!"

Honestly? I loved it :) I had white Christmas lights strung all over my 4 poster bed, and it was a heck of a lot easier than trying to plug them in every night (because I kept them up all year long. My room was cozy with those lights!)

The day we arrived in San Diego, I felt like I was having a bad allergic reaction. 24 hours later, I'm in the ER, with a pneumonia and bronchitis diagnosis. Once I got on the meds, I was fine. The next day, EVERYONE ELSE IN THE HOUSE got the flu, except for me and my brother-in-law (who suffered silently with just a cold sore). I think he and I were the only ones who enjoyed that trip to Disneyland...

Anyway. Tangent.

This year, as I said, I've pretty much "decorated" alone. M's busy with work and finals, so I'm just here, doing my thing, right? Sure. I half-assed decorated the tree. The box with the rest of the decorations is still sealed in the living room. M keeps telling me "see if you can finish getting it all up while I'm at work/school tomorrow", but I just don't have it in me. A week later, we're still about a quarter of the way decorated, and I'm to the point where I'd kinda rather just put it all back in the box and forget Christmas this year. I just don't feel like I have the heart to do it this year. I spent the community Christmas party sorta hanging out with my brother - who charmed the entire table, while I sat 2 feet away, manning my little Avon table that my property manager asked me to host. Money is tight, and we'll have next to nothing under the tree this year. There were about 4 things I REALLY wanted to get M this year that just didn't happen. M has just one class left on Tuesday. He's going into work tomorrow, so there's one more day I won't see him at all, and though he doesn't have to, he's going in to his Wednesday class anyway to burn a few more DVDs and watch a movie - never mind that he's already turned in his project AND taken the final. I would think he'd want to take a break, enjoy some time at home perhaps. I know he's just busy, but its Christmas, you know?

I think I'm ready to just skip right to April. Past Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day and our anniversary.

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