UnSingle

This has been a bumpy month.

2009-10-22T00:11:00.003-07:00

2 weeks ago, my sweet, wonderful service dog, Taylor, passed away. Obviously, I've been taking this pretty hard. I didn't lose a pet, I lost a friend. A family member. A body part. At night, when Matt's asleep and I'm sitting up alone until 2am, I can't help it - the tears just flow. The logical part of me feels like "hey, its been two weeks. You know it was best for her so get over it" -- but I can't. Two weeks later, and my heart still aches. Everything hurts. I saw a Golden Retriever puppy on the corner today, I cried. I wanted to update my Facebook profile to my cool Jack-O-Lantern, but that would have meant taking down the picture of Taylor and I. I wept. I told my brother to give my mom a big hug when he arrives in Michigan in the morning - tomorrow is her birthday, after all - and THAT made me cry, because right now, I just feel like I need a hug, and I need my mom. Mom, who had to make the decision to have Taylor put down. Mom, who had to break the awful news to me.

Taylor had been living with my mom in Michigan for just over 2 years now, and in 2 years, I'd seen her twice. Matt hadn't seen her at all. She was to come back to Arizona this winter with my mom. A part of me was, again, scared to see her, knowing she was getting old and her health wasn't the greatest, but I was so looking forward to having her home, laying on my feet, forcing her head under my elbow so that my arm was around her. Absentmindedly petting her velvety soft ears.

And I don't get to. I don't get to do any of that again. I don't want another dog. I want MY dog, and I can't have my dog.

I think the extra hard part is that I'm alone a LOT lately. Matt working his normal hours, but school and homework keep him pretty occupied. Last weekend, he was gone for 9 hours filming with a classmate - "probably the only film I'll get to work on at all this school year, so I really want to be on set", so after being home alone the whole work-week, I spent the better part of the weekend alone too. This weekend, we'd planned to attend a small-ish Halloween party. We went last year and had a great time - or, so I'm told, there were a few too many caramel apple martinis passed my direction...but another classmate has invited us to the premiere of his film, another one Matt worked on over the summer, and it is showing as part of a HUGE industry Halloween party. Great networking opportunities for Matt. Huge crowds. Very few people I'll know or have anything in common with, and I hate big big parties and crowds. I'm really not looking forward to it.

I have very few real friends here in AZ after 2 years. One is moving back to Illinois next week. One has a huge group of friends and activities that keep her very busy. A best friend from Texas lives in Tucson, but is also incredibly busy, not to mention the 3 hour distance between us...

Experiencing the loss of Taylor makes me realize how much I really need my friends and family. People who understand what she meant, who'll sit with me and cry with me and just help me get it all out. These little spurts of tears and grief every night aren't helping, and words, though cathartic, are no substitute.

In a fit of frustration...

2009-09-04T14:22:00.002-07:00

I was thisclose, moments ago, to clicking the "delete blog" button.

I now work from home as a Special Agent for kgb_ (www.542542.com! Text us sometime!). Matt's in school again, but since I'm working at home, I have even LESS to say...so if I post, it'll probably still be along the "stuff I did" lines - because at the very least, they kept ME entertained to rewrite them..

but for the moment, i won't delete UnSingle...I'll just let it sit here, as bored as I am ;)

The Other Terrible Date

2009-07-11T21:10:00.003-07:00

Luckily for me, I met Matt at the end of 1997, so after the Terrible Date you've just read, I didn't have to endure too many more awful dates. The following Terrible Date actually happened just a few weeks earlier, at the end of August.

I don't remember how we were fixed up, I suppose it doesn't matter anymore, but it was definitely a fix up. We agreed to meet at the ice rink and get a bite to eat after his shift, as a Referee for a local hockey team, was over.

I arrived at the ice rink early, the game was still going on, but during a time out or between periods or some other hockey term that I don't know, he mentioned to me that it wouldn't be long, and to just hang out. The game continued, and I sat there freezing and bored (I HATE hockey, so already, our relationship was probably doomed).

Suddenly, there was excitement on the ice. A fight broke out, and all of the refs quickly skated into the middle of it to break it up. I see my date stumble and fall among them, the fight was resolved and everyone went back to their position. Everyone except my date, who hadn't yet gotten up from the ice. The refs sped back over to help him up, and I see him clutching his hand, covered in blood.

He'd been run over. Whoops.

They pulled him off the ice, unlaced his skates and brought out his street clothes from the locker room. He turned to me, pale and bleeding and said "Uh...I don't really have anyone else here who can take me to the ER. Everyone else is still playing and I probably shouldn't wait, with my finger like this..."

So instead of a nice, quiet, get-to-know-you lunch, we ran out to my Neon and sped away for the ER. Unfortunately, I wasn't in my own town, so I had NO idea where I was going, and I hastily followed his directions, speeding through yellow lights, praying I wouldn't get a ticket, wondering if this guy was going to bleed to death or lose his finger in my car. There wasn't really much conversation going on, a little small talk here and there to make sure he hadn't passed out, but mostly, he gave directions and I followed, asking "you OK?" every few moments, between red lights.

We arrived at the hospital and I sat in the waiting room, wondering what the protocol was for waiting in the ER for the person you only met 20 minutes earlier. I certainly wasn't family, and I barely qualified as "friend". After a while, a woman walked in and said "Are you Isabella? Thank you for bringing my son to the ER". While she waited to be taken back, she said I didn't need to wait. I felt bad for leaving, but it seemed strange to stay, so I left and drove home.

Three days later, he called to thank me, and wanted to make up the date that wasn't. Now, I knew I hadn't really given him a fair shake, but I'd already decided that he really wasn't my type. Regardless, it seemed rude to say no, and I agreed to meet him for dinner. I met him at East Side Mario's (his brother dropped him off) so I knew that at the very least, dinner would be fantastic.

I felt terrible - his whole hand and forearm were covered in thick, white bandages, easily 2 inches of gauze and padding. We continued the small talk until our meals came, he told me what happened on the ice, what happened at the hospital, and how his mother was so grateful that I'd driven her darling boy to the ER... Dinner arrived, and he did most of the talking, filling me in on details of his family that went a little too far. It started out simply, telling me about his brothers and growing up, then escalated into details about his abusive father and how they all dealt with his leaving them unexpectedly. It was awkward, to say the least. He took his pain meds during dinner, I can imagine how sore he must have been, and he got a little quiet at the end of the meal, I think his medicine made him drowsy.

We finished dinner and I drove us to the mall, where we sat in a crowded theater to watch "Money Talks" (his choice, I believe). At the end of the night, I drove him home and we sat in his driveway - I was anxious to get home, he was sleepy, but anxious to tell me more about his childhood. We sat for entirely too long, and eventually, I was able to use the "I've really gotta get home before my curfew" excuse (hey, I was only 16 at the time) and really mean it. He was pleasant, and I certainly felt bad for the situation, as uncomfortable as it was for both of us. He called once or twice to chat afterward, but we never went out again...

A Time For Change

2009-07-06T01:01:00.003-07:00

So I had surgery about a week ago - my right ovary was removed, and I've been parked at home, still on pelvic rest, recovering from having a whole body part taken out via my belly button...healing well, but still pretty sore from day to day.

My friend Savannah suggested that I update the blog while I'm stuck at home. "But", I told her, "I have absolutely, positively nothing to say." What in the world would I write about, having made only one trip out of my house in the last 10 days, and that was only to the grocery store, and it was probably too soon for that? I'd been considering shutting down the blog entirely, because there are only so many times I can post about how Matt's at school and I'm lonely and so I'm doing whatever to fill the time, and I don't have a lot of readers (but for those of you reading, HI! and Thanks!), and. . .

Today, for some reason, I remembered a terrible date I went on back when I was 17. As I was thinking about said date, the blog came to mind, and I've decided that - for at least the time being, rather than update about the things I'm doing now (which really include a whole lotta nothing lately), I'll tell stories about things I've done before. Who knows. They might just entertain someone during a lunch break.

So.

"The Terrible Date"

In early 1998, I went to a concert at the State Theater in Detroit (Creed, I think. The tickets were free, what can I say?) with my best friend Amanda. While milling about, waiting for one of the bands to start, we met a couple of guys. We started talking, and by the end of the night, I'd hit it off with Jordan, who I thought was really cute, and he asked for my number (!). Jordan and I hung out a couple times over the next couple of months - he came with me to a family function, I went to his graduation party, hung out with a few of his friends, went swimming. Simple, simple stuff, but they were never "dates". I liked him, but there just really wasn't a heck of a lot of chemistry between us, and I think our timing was just off.

One day in the fall - late October or early November, he called me up and asked me to go to the movies with a few friends. Jordan had a date, but his buddy did not. They wanted to go to the new movie theater in Southfield, MI to see "John Carpenter's Vampires". Jordan and his date drove in one car, his friend (I can't even remember the guy's name...Mike? We'll call him "Mike", because I'm just not sure anymore. He obviously made such an impression on me) drove in his truck, and they made the drive, about 30 minutes, from Dearborn to my house in Plymouth. (why we then drove another 40 minutes to a theater in Southfield is beyond me...there were easily 10 other theaters within about half the distance!)

Before everyone arrived at my house on that damp fall evening, I sat getting ready while my older brothers wrapped up another band practice in the garage with their friends. The guys were in the living room, joking around and teasing me mercilessly. I jokingly asked Ben the Drummer if I could borrow his purple Corvette for the evening, they pretended that I had not two, but five older brothers that fully intended to harass my date. I reminded them that I'd recently given them all makeovers for the album cover, but could easily exaggerate the details about their new found love for eyeliner, foundation and jewelry...Sadly, my threats didn't work very well - as the rest of my party arrived, I opened the front door to find three of them sitting on the porch, baseball bats in hand. Groaning, I grabbed my purse and climbed in the pick up truck, hoping it wouldn't rain on my wheelchair, now sitting uncovered in the bed.

I remember that I tried to make small talk with "Mike" on the drive up, but it was awkward; he seemed to only want to discuss his ex-girlfriend. The details now are a little hazy, but he was either mad at one of Jordan's other friends that I'd met - or at Jordan himself - for "stealing" his girlfriend, and he spent pretty much the entire 40 minute drive badmouthing all three of them. This would be a fun night, I could tell already. The theater was new and crowded, but interesting, decorated with lots of old movie artifacts and posters. I seem to remember that the tiles in the floor were glittery, and Jordan's date (whose name has also escaped me...) and I thought they were pretty, and we admired the little details together, laughing nervously and waiting for the guys. Tickets were bought, sodas were filled, and we took our seats in the very front row of the theater.

I don't remember the movie at all. I don't think it was very good, and it really wasn't anything I'd wanted to see, but I'd been invited and I was looking forward to even just HAVING a date - my "love life" at the time mostly centered around chasing and being chased by the bass player in my brother's band, a scruffy-but-cute guy who was easily 10 years older than me, and so any interest on either end had to be carefully hidden. (that's an entirely different story!)

Remember when I said that Jordan and I had no chemistry? Right. If Jordan and I had no chemistry, then "Mike" and I had LESS than none. I don't recall being asked anything besides "did you want a diet coke or what?". When the 4 of us were all together, the conversations pretty much centered around people I didn't know (that's what happens when 3 out of 4 people all grew up together). When it was just "Mike" and I, we simply didn't talk, I was tired of trying to make small talk with him. The movie ended, and it was time to take me back home. It had started raining again, the roads were bad, and the 40 minute drive took an extra 20 minutes or so. During the entire sixty-minute drive back to Plymouth, "Mike" and I didn't breathe a word to each other. Nothing. Complete and utter SILENCE. I don't think he even said "goodbye" when he dropped me off! Who does that? I said "goodnight", he drove away, and I went inside, irritated, and went to bed, hoping to forget the dull, uncomfortable evening I'd just had.

Sadly, for the good times Jordan and I'd had that year, that was the last I ever saw of him. "Mike", however, I was glad to be rid of. NEXT!

fin.

No, I haven't fallen off the planet.

2009-06-17T13:39:00.002-07:00

I'm here! Its been a crazy two months since I last posted! On May 10th, we were on set for 15 hours or so, but its done - Matt made a movie! As we speak, he's in class, starting the editing process on his film, "Hey Romeo".

May was unreal - we were so busy. We had doctors appointments, focus groups, meetings, concerts, movie nights, happy hours, game night, and my dad came to visit for 3 days. June started off busy too, when one of my coworkers went out of town, so I picked up extra hours at Curves. This last week, however, was a lot tougher than I'd expected, when at 2:30am on 6/9, I woke up in the most unbelievable amount of pain. A doctor visit, an ultrasound and a week later, I learned I have a mass around an ovary :( I'll be going in tomorrow for blood work, and I'll probably be scheduled for surgery next week. I'll have more details tomorrow, but for now, I'm on full pelvic rest, so I think I'm going to go back to the couch and watch Aladdin :)

All's Quiet...

2009-05-02T11:48:00.002-07:00

because All's EMPTY!!

Last week my brother was approved for an apartment - in the complex next door, but hey, its not IN my apartment!They are about 95% moved out as of last night, and once I make the phone call to give the go-ahead (which will be as soon as I shower this morning..) the guys will come back, finish moving AND clean the office/guest bedroom, bathroom, living room (and if I can swing it, lol, the kitchen)

In the last two weeks, I had a few major blowups. My stress level peaked, and I just couldn't take it anymore. Though I was promised in March that I'd never have to ask for help, if I didn't ask, nothing would get done. Matt and I had been so busy that we hadn't cooked in our kitchen for probably 2 weeks, yet I was loading and unloading the dishwasher, and CONSTANTLY hand washing the rest, multiple times a week (sometimes multiple times a day!) Because I couldn't really get into my office or my closet, I couldn't put ANY of my Avon stuff away, so I had a huge pile of stuff in my living room, on top of other huge piles of stuff I couldn't put away. Matt and I couldn't relax, because there was always something that needed doing - dishes, laundry, TRYING to stay organized, my brother or his friend wandering around, watching TV, coming and going. It was infinitely frustrating, and I'd had it. Thankfully, just two weeks later (a LONG two weeks...), we'll have our home back. I felt a little bad, I didn't want them to think we were kicking them out, that they weren't welcome, but this place just isn't big enough for four adults, especially when keeping house is left to only ONE of them :(

Tonight's Dinner Was Brought To You By The Letter "P"

2009-04-13T20:45:00.003-07:00

Matt had class tonight, which means "fend for yourself".

I made pancakes. (laced with cinnamon, homemade vanilla and baby chocolate chips. In shapes like "pancake" and "X" and "M" and "O")

My brother made a pizza. Mexican, to be specific.

my kitchen was quite the random mixture of smells.

**update**

Matt came home from school and made a PB&J.

Happy Easter

2009-04-12T17:40:00.004-07:00

Safeway recently had a wonderful sale on meat. One that we were too busy to take advantage of (holding auditions pretty much every night last week), but Alan & Company made worthwhile. We had two lovely steak dinners, but otherwise, have been eating out. A lot. Auditions every night will do that..

not to mention my FILTHY kitchen.

As you've probably already read my last post about the dish situation, I won't recap. (Though I will add that the floor wasn't ever mopped and the dishes that couldn't fit or can't go in the dishwasher sat in the sink for ANOTHER two days...)

Then, & Company wanted another steak. He grabbed the first pan within reach. My pizza pan. Have you ever seen a pizza pan? They're great. Nicely sized, round, nonstick. Full of holes so the crust can bake evenly.

Full of holes.

Have you ever cooked a steak? Or seen the obscene amount of juices that cook OUT of a steak?

FULL. OF. HOLES!!!!!!!

I wonder if, at this point in my story, you're cringing as much as I did when I saw the sticky, caramelized, BURNT disaster that was now my oven. But I'm a nice person. How does a nice person say "WTF WERE YOU THINKING YOU IDIOT! YOU'D BETTER CLEAN THAT %&$* UP RIGHT NOW BEFORE I LOSE MY MIND!!!!" without saying exactly that...and going batshitcrazy? I mean, for almost two weeks, I'd been too tired, too busy to cook in my own kitchen, all the while having to clean up messes in the kitchen I'm not cooking in, and now THIS?

So yesterday, after a lovely Easter brunch, I spent a few hours cleaning the oven. And I insisted later that & Company mop the floor - which, thankfully, it appeared that he had done last night.

I'm sorry if this sounds fragmented - I had to put this post on hold yesterday and have lost both my train of thought and my frustrations...

Anyway, I received the worst news on Friday afternoon. My dog Taylor has cancer. She'll be with us for a few more weeks, at best. Taylor was my service dog through Canine Companions for Independence. She was by my side for the majority of the last 10 years - LITERALLY, by my side. That was her job. I was heartbroken when I let my mom take her back to Michigan when we moved here, but I knew that it was best for her, at her age, to "retire" with a large yard and a pond she loves to swim in.

So I've been a weepy mess since Friday night. Coupled with PMS and irritations from our houseguests (shall I start the countdown until the end of the month now?), it has not been a happy weekend. Its been a rotten year for pets. First Buttons is near-death (and she's doing better, I should add, but she's still twenty..). Matt's cat Chester is a few years younger than Buttons, and is going through the same renal failure issues, but will probably go before Buttons does, and now Taylor. My heart hurts, and all I want to do is fly home to see her, but I know that I just can't handle that.

I'll post a few pictures of Taylor later.

I won't lie. I'm a little irked.

2009-04-06T21:08:00.003-07:00

Last week, we made chili. In a massive, massive pot that is difficult for me to wash.

It sat there for A FULL WEEK, until last night, when I finally gave in and struggled to wash it (and then it sat on the counter, because I can't reach where it is stored..until I ASKED to have it put away this morning)

Alan and his friend are making dinner. It smells great, and there will be food for me too, which I appreciate, but in no less than 7 minutes, ALL of my cutting boards and non-steak knife knives were dirty. Onions, cilantro and stuff all over the kitchen floor, and I'm out of tin foil, which I bought just two weeks ago, and an expensive bottle of olive oil that was pretty new too.

If this kitchen is a disaster area when I get up in the morning, I am going to flip. I'm PMSing, and I'm irritated as fuck.

*****UPDATE*****

Thank heavens, no heads will roll. Adamo loaded the dishwasher, washed ALL of the counters, and said he intends to mop the floor when we've gone to bed.

Feeling just a little blue

2009-03-25T12:55:00.002-07:00

So its hard enough lately that I feel like i never see Matt anymore. Tonight, for example, he gets home around 6pm. Tonight, I have a meeting at 6:30, so I'll be rushing off just as soon as he walks in the door. I won't get home until about 9.

Lately, I've been experiencing quite a bit of "baby fever". We'd talked previously about starting our family once he'd finished his first year of school, and with the end of his first year rapidly approaching, the baby fever just keeps getting stronger. I'm so unbelievably ready to start a family with him, and I'd been waiting for hell, an hour alone with him to talk to him about it again, see where we stand.

He just reconnected with an old friend from HS (a girl I know for a fact he was head over heels for...) and they've been chatting about what they've been up to, spouses, family, etc, and he told her that we are waiting to start our family until he's finished with school. I won't lie - my heart hurts a little after hearing that. I feel like every time we get closer to the previously discussed dates ("a couple years after the wedding", "perhaps this Christmas" - that was 2 years ago - , "maybe next summer", "after I finish a year of school"), it just gets pushed farther and farther away. I KNOW he wants to have children, so that's not the issue, I just don't know how many more times I can handle it being pushed away. Being a mother is one of the things I want MOST in my life. I've never been particularly career-minded, power suits and pumps, business lunches and bringing work home with me. I just want to be a Mom, you know? I want to raise a family, take care of our home, etc. Stupid, I'm sure, but that's the way it is.

We moved out here so he could work towards realizing his dream. When do I get to realize mine?

home alone. at last!

2009-03-23T13:38:00.002-07:00

Its Monday afternoon, so that means I'm home from work, and Matt's off to class for the rest of the day. Today, my brother started his new job, and his friend is out doing...whatever. Don't care :)

I have the house ALLLLLLL to myself. For at least the next couple hours, anyway. I think I'm going to curl up on MY couch and watch a mindless chick-flick until I fall asleep. Just as I was dozing off last night, Friend decided to take a shower and shave. I was startled awake from that barely-asleep-mode, hearing the rush of water in the sink, then TAPTAPTAPTAP - the razor on the counter, for five minutes. At 11:30pm. Come ON. New house rule...if you need to shower and shave on Sunday, do it before I go to bed! It took me an hour to fall back to sleep :(

On another note, about a month ago, I was invited to be a mark. Trendspotter for the next 6 months. I'll have a chance to see goodies in advance, and I'm super excited about it. One of the things the mark. staff in NYC wanted of us was to try Twitter, to see if it might be something worth looking into, so, ta-da...you can find me on Twitter as "isabella09".

Don't get too excited. I don't text, and I'm not online nearly as much as I used to be, so I have nothing to say :)

I have no interesting title to put here.

2009-03-18T22:04:00.002-07:00

So today it was discussed that Matt and I would be paid $400 to cover "rent" for my brother and his friend for the rest of March and probably ALL of April. My brother was just offered the plush hotel job and likely starts next week. His friend is still jobless, but hopefully, that will change soon. End of April is their deadline, and while I'm fine with the decision, the end of April seems a looong way away...

In other news, I just learned that I made Honor Society - my huge sales goal that I'd set for myself this time last year! I'm super excited, but its kept me busy these last few weeks, which is why I've been away from the blog.

I've been helping Matt with his next film too, scouting locations, making contacts, planning for the makeup I'll be using on set.

And as a result, I'm exhausted.

Now I'm FREEEE......FREEELOADING!

2009-03-07T15:37:00.003-07:00

"We just need to shower and crash for a few hours, we've been driving all night"

Was what I heard when my brother called me on Wednesday, 90 minutes away from my apartment. Today is Saturday. No jobs, no money, and nothing to do but whine at each other, like an old married couple, about having no jobs and no money; and no end in sight.

My brother had a job interview that I helped him score yesterday, and it looks pretty positive, but even still, it doesn't pay instantly, and they'll need money to put down a deposit on any apartment to rent, so I'm stuck here wondering when I'll be able to do the rest of my work in my office, not on my husband's laptop. When I'll be able to curl up on the couch with the books I want to read...though I'll admit, sitting on the couch with two Thirtysomething guys and their acoustic guitars, watching America's Next Top Model together was pretty damn funny...

On Saturday mornings, Matt and I like to just laze around for a while, but Matt works Saturdays now, because of his crazy school schedule. I couldn't sleep last night without the aid of AdvilPM, so you can imagine my surprise at 8am, when I woke up, bleary eyed and wishing I lived in a cave, not on the sun - it was so bright. Instead of making coffee and waking up at my PC for a while, I fed the cat, then curled back up in bed with an old episode of Saved By The Bell and the laptop, until I just couldn't sit there anymore. I couldn't go into the living room (Alan snoring on the couch), I couldn't go to my office (friend of Alan's crashed on the floor), and I didn't want to just sit in my PJ's in the dining room. I felt trapped in my master bedroom. Was I? No. I could certainly have just gone about my business, but I can't do that.

I got up and then spent the next two hours cleaning. Litter boxes. Putting the roll of TP on the guest bathroom roller (seriously. you can't put the paper ON the roll? the paper we provided you when you ran out and didn't tell anyone so you put the kleenex box in there instead? Two days go by and I have to replace the roll? Sheesh). Dishes for 4 adults. Cleaning the living room. Sweeping the floor. Dusting for no real reason other than it was something to do.

How do you say "um, how long do you guys intend to stay here, anyway?", without pissing anyone off? If it was just my brother, I'd have no problem with it. With three of us in a 2 bedroom, it wasn't a big deal. Now there are four of us, and its a little crowded.

Oh my the boredom.

2009-03-04T16:29:00.002-07:00

Last night I got a call from my brother, who had been in Colorado since the end of Jan, then in Vegas for the last two weeks. He wanted to check my schedule so I could potentially pick him up from a bus station on Thursday. Fine and dandy.

I get a call this morning.

"We're in Wickenburg, we'll be there in 90 minutes"

AAAAAAUUUGGGHHHH!

So much for a nice, quiet, romantic night ALONE on our anniversary.

Currently, I am parked on my patio (it is GORGEOUS today!) while Alan is passed out on the couch and his friend is crashed on the floor in the guest room. They've been asleep since noon-ish. Matt's at school for another hour. No idea how this affects our Anniversary plans (which only included sharing dinner and wine at home tonight...but I can tell you it did NOT include my big brother...)

I'm bored. Alone. Can't watch TV. Can't screw around with a game on the computer in the office. Blech.

Tomorrow!

2009-03-03T13:05:00.002-07:00

I'm excited - tomorrow, Matt and I will celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary! I can't believe its been four years already! It goes by so quickly, yet at the same time, I feel like we've been together forever.

Last Friday, the morning conversation at Curves turned to husbands and the idiotic things they do. I chimed in with a particularly decent one from just the night before, and one of the ladies asks "how long have you been married?" When I replied "it will be four years next week", all 8 of them groaned, balked, scoffed. "You're just a baby!" one said. "HA! I bet you still enjoy each other's company!" said another.

And that last comment got me thinking today. Of course we still enjoy each other's company. Isn't that the point? Was I supposed to choose a man who I can't stand to be around? Wasn't I supposed to pick a man that I love without question, who loves me just as much. Someone I find fascinating, interesting, fun, adorable, etc etc etc?

I don't think of us as "newlyweds" anymore, even if, by comparison, we are. I'm not so naive to think that life will always be rosy - Matt and I have had our share when it comes to marital issues. But I happen to think that he and I are totally meant for each other, and always have been.

So there. Happy Almost Anniversary Matt!

(and if you'd like, feel free to read our proposal story here: http://www.angelfire.com/mi/BeLLasPlace/proposal.html)

I need a coffee.

2009-02-27T14:44:00.000-07:00

or a Red Bull. Or a Vivarin.

But not all three. I don't want to end up like Jessie Spano, all whacked out on speed, singing "I'M SO EXCIIITED!" at the top of my lungs.

But really. I need a caffinated pick-me-up. And then maybe later I'll have the energy to post about the ridiculous Facebook-related "event" that happened on Sunday.

But in the meantime, I need to go get changed, because we're going out to dinner with Josh and Jessica tonight, pretty much as soon as I pick up Matt from work.

So. About that Red Bull....

Buttons is feeling better

2009-02-18T23:06:00.004-07:00

Thankfully! This past weekend was really rough. Matt was a super sweetie on Valentine's Day, especially after my snotty, sobby mess on Friday at the vet. He went to work early and came home with a pretty bouquet for me. We took Buttons back to the vet and learned (easy, thankfully) how to give her sub-Q fluids, and she took to it well. We had a REALLY nice dinner out at Sam's Cafe, our favorite. The extra nice - it didn't break the bank. We'd bought a $25 gift certificate at http://www.restaurant.com/ when the certificates were 80% off! After our gift certificate, we each got a tasty entree, I got a cup of my favorite soup and we shared THE most amazing Chocolate Truffle Pie, for $20 before the tip! SCORE!

I was still pretty worried about B though, because she wasn't eating much, and between Friday night and Monday morning, had only eaten about a tablespoon of food, and spent more time than usual sleeping. Monday morning I had to be at work at 5:30am. While I was there, Matt mixed up the prescription food she hates with the canned stuff she DOES like, and got her eating more. Since then, we've found an even better food to mix it with, and she's really perked up. By Wednesday, her eyes were bright and clearer again (well, as clear as they're going to be with a 20 year old cat who has mild cataracts). She was demanding food again, loudly, which I didn't mind one bit. She even came out of her closet-cave to lay in the sunshine for a little while. The vet on Saturday reassured me that I don't have to say goodbye to her soon. While I know I won't have her forever, and she probably doesn't have 4-5 years left, we could, realistically, have her for another year, and that was nice to hear.

Matt and I have been trying to keep up with Oscar movies this year. We always try to, and fail, for some reason. This year's offerings have been stuff we really wanted to see, though, which made it easy. Tonight, we went out to see Revolutionary Road, which was very emotional, but very good. I could have done without the THREE groups of Seniors (and I mean 55+, not HS...) who would NOT SHUT UP. Within the first five minutes, one woman's cell rang THREE TIMES, and the third time, she answered it. And rather than whisper "I'm at the movies, I'll call you back", she got up from our row, went down to the floor level and acted as if perhaps there, nobody would notice her having a 2 minute phone conversation...It was really irritating, but we tried to ignore it and were able to enjoy the movie anyway.

We've also seen Slumdog Millionaire, which I HIGHLY recommend. We rented Vicky Christina Barcelona and The Visitor, both of which were ALSO excellent, and I would make them priorities to see. The Changeling arrived in our mailbox today, too.

Tomorrow's a busy day. Lots of Avon deliveries to make, and I work in the evening. Business is picking up though, which makes me very happy. My Dad's excited about business going well. My grandmother, who passed away just before New Years, sold Avon back when my father was growing up, so I think he's just glad to see that, after all these years, Grace and I wound up having at least this in common.

I'm off to bed, goodnight!

Happy Valentines Day. Or not.

2009-02-14T11:09:00.005-07:00

Yesterday was awful. We got the car taken care of, fine and dandy. More than I wanted to spend total, but it needed the 30,000 mile tune up and new front brakes. Whatever. Then we took Buttons to the vet. Buttons is in Renal Failure (the vet said "Chronic", if that means anything). She's severely dehydrated, has an enlarged thyroid and probably diabetic, but they're going to try again today to get a urine sample to get more info. When they tried yesterday, she peed all over the vet tech. Oops. Sorry Vanessa the vet tech!

They wanted her to come back early this AM and spend all day on IV fluids, but on top of what was covered from her insurance, yesterday alone cost $160 and it would have cost at least another $250, and they were talking about coming back once or TWICE weekly for blood work to see how the treatments were doing. I have an oral liquid to give her 3x a day, she's on special prescription food specially for the renal system.

Its funny. They looked at her and initially said "well, she's got the enlarged thyroid, but this, this and this look fine, so for her age, she actually looks really great". When they brought the blood work back, the doctor's face was pale and sad, and she said "Well. Buttons is in renal failure. I'm so, SO sorry". I guess she hides it well, like any woman would :)

Nothing will fix her. She's 20. But they want to try and make her as comfortable as possible. I was a WRECK. I called my mom from the Petsmart bathroom SOBBING, because I didn't know what to do. If she's 20, but needs all this treatment and I can't pay for it, what do I do? I felt like I was waiting for the vet to tell me that she needed to be put down, but she's not at that point yet. I hated myself for thinking first with my wallet, and not my heart.

So this afternoon, we take her back; instead of all day IV fluids, the vet is going to teach us how to give her fluids under the skin, and hopefully, we can get that urine sample so we know more about where we stand.

On top of all of this, I'm absolutely LIVID with her previous vet. We took her in with the EXACT same concerns just last summer, and the records the vet faxed over even show our concerns, but her prognosis then was "VERY GOOD". I'm sorry, but a 20 year old cat who is missing teeth, peeing in the wrong place, clumping furn (all signs of kidney failure, according to yesterdays' vet) is not "VERY GOOD". We never even got to MEET that vet, they forced us to do a drop off appointment, and when we picked her up, they said "she looks great". I asked "what about the concerns I had? Do we need to speak to the doctor?" and the jerk said "no, she's just old". Thanks, Captain Obvious. I intend to contact Banfield Corporate and complain about THAT location, and then give absolutely GLOWING praise for yesterday, who were simply amazing, given the situation, and the fact that my cat peed on a tech...

So that's that. I'm sitting here on Buttons watch today. Matt's at work for another couple hours, then its back to Petsmart. I THINK we're still going to try and go out for a Valentine's dinner, but we'll see.

I hope you all are having a better V-Day!

my blah blog

2009-02-12T10:49:00.002-07:00

I'm boring. I know.

I still have a cold. I'm working more (and as of next week, I work the 5:30 AM to 11am shift. YUCK), and really, I just have nothing to say :(

i have a cold.

2009-02-07T23:53:00.004-07:00

and it sucks. Actually, it sucked on Friday, when I felt the worst. I'm starting to recover, but its a slow process, not at all helped by the weird Neti pot everyone kept recommending (um, good for prevention, perhaps, but I can't expect the solution to flow in or out of my nose when I'm so congested it seemed to hit a dam and flow right back out....lovely visual, yes?)

Also sucks - taking a decongestant on Thursday night that makes me wake up at 7:00 on the button on Friday morning, still feeling sick. Sorta worked out to my benefit, I suppose, because even after napping for 30 minutes, I was able to go to bed by 10:30pm, since I had to be up at FIVE AM on Saturday, so I could take Matt to work and then get to Curves by 7am for my own shift.

And yet here I sit, at midnight, wide awake. Well. Mostly. I took a nighttime medicine about an hour ago, hoping it would knock me out. Its starting to kick in (yay! double yay for it being Children's Dimetapp that still tastes good AND works better than nasty Nyquil!)

ooh. a yawn. I'm going to get in bed before I get a 14th wind....

Hurrah!

2009-02-03T11:06:00.004-07:00

My Jury Group # was released. I don't have to go!

Laaame.

2009-02-02T20:56:00.004-07:00

Last month I got a Jury Summons notice. Boooo. Here in AZ, rather than just have you show up and wait around all day to see IF you'll be called, they let you call in the night before (hey, thanks for giving me lots of planning time..) to see if you need to report.

The first 10 groups - not mine - have to report at 11am.

MY group? Yeah. I have to call back at 11am to see if I need to come in. Really? So you're going to pay me 45 cents a mile, from my home zip code...so that I can drive an EXTRA 30 miles round trip to take my husband to work first so that I have the car just in case you call me, and if you DO, then I have to drive the half hour downtown and hopefully get out in time so my husband doesn't have to stand around in the parking lot for 2 hours.

Where's the form for the extra mileage for how totally screwed up this is?

Date Night!

2009-01-31T23:09:00.003-07:00

Friday morning my brother flew up to Colorado to help my uncle. Having the house to ourselves for the next month or so, Matt asked me out on a date :)

We went to dinner at Abuelo's (tasty!), then to a movie, and if you haven't seen it yet, PLEASE go see Slumdog Millionaire. SO good, really. We had a great time, enjoying each other's company, and I listened to a VERY long, very ridiculous work story. I swear, State Farm is so like high school, it's not funny.

Matt starts school again this week. Thankfully, his classes are only on Monday and Wednesday, and by the end of the month, he'll actually have Wednesday's off from work (LONG school day, but at least we can sleep in together!). I'm trying to completely rearrange my work schedule to coordinate, but its not looking good, and I may be cut down to 7 hours a week, and I'm actually considering a second job somewhere within walking distance. Thankfully, Avon has kept me pretty busy. I'm THISCLOSE to reaching the goal I'd set for myself last April, and already, I've broken all previous records for personal sales, so I'm very pleased (and rewarded myself tonight with my very own MP3 player. Its pink and SO cute, and I got it for half of the list price!) This means I won't have to steal Matt's when I want some music on my walks to F&E, which are becoming more frequent.

I've rediscovered a love for working out, and have been doing really well. I haven't lost more than 1/2lb just yet, but the fitted tee I wore today felt a lot less fitted in the arm and shoulder. Now, if I could just fight off this cold so I don't lose sll of my momentum!

Things That Happen When My Brother Is Around

2009-01-30T23:28:00.003-07:00

I have my entire upper body wrapped in toilet paper, mummy-style.

I leave a lounge in Old Town with a large bottle of vodka under my butt. (it was paid for, hush up!)

I bake more, and am talked into ice cream sodas or walking to DQ (which is a bit counterproductive to my weight loss efforts. Eh, I figure the walk to GET dessert cancels out the dessert itself, yes?)

I stay up too late.

I have someone to watch Top Chef with.

I turn around in my kitchen after setting down a hot cake pan, and suddenly find my entire face and head covered in whipped cream.

I'm constantly told "c'mon. we'll all go out. I'll drive home, you and Matt have as many drinks as you want".

I run out of eggs at an alarming rate.

I've started to say "dude" and "awesome" a lot more.

I find myself saying "Boys! Dinner's almost ready. Can someone set the table?"

My sink is always full of dishes (from Mr. "I reuses glasses all the time")

Partnering with my husband, I am forced to relinquish control of my wheelchair and am taken around my kitchen in the fashion of "Mr. Toad's Wild Ride", laughing so hard I can't speak.

Never a dull moment...

Random stuff, really. A few days worth of posts crammed into one LONG one.

2009-01-23T00:16:00.003-07:00

Its just after Midnight on Thursday (Friday? I agree with Matt, its not tomorrow until I've gone to sleep). This time last week, we were still in Old Town Scottsdale. Sponge, the fabulous band from Detroit (and good friends of ours!) was in town playing a free show, and they were probably just wrapping up their set. We spent the next couple hours hanging out in the VIP booth at ACME with the band, nibbling snacks (seriously. Best chicken fingers I've ever had, how weird is that?), watching some of the most...unusual dance moves I've ever seen, drinking and laughing and having a good time. Matt and I came home around 3am and went right to bed, since of course, Matt had to be at work at 7:45am. My brother Alan intended to get a ride home, somehow, as he was the sober one to drive everyone back to their respective hotels and homes.

Fast forward to 9:30am. Alan calls and tells me that he has no idea where in Phoenix he is, that he has no way home and that basically, the last person he dropped off didn't know how to get him home to Scottsdale, let him crash on the couch for an hour, then shooed him out so she could go to work, leaving him stranded. Oh, and asked for gas money. Right. So my penniless brother who isn't even FROM here is now trying to walk from nearly downtown Phx to the middle of Scottsdale. Matt calls and tells me that he's taking a half day, and I tell him that he has to pick up Alan on his way home. Ridiculous. Once home, the three of us did a whole lot of nothing on next to no sleep. Saturday and Sunday were pretty typical. I worked Saturday morning, then we ran errands all afternoon.

Matt, in preparation for the Phoenix Comic-Con this weekend, decided to finish reorganizing his comic book collection tonight. Halfway through, he discovers a hole - and a number of teeny bugs - on a box and the shelf. The box next to it no longer had a bottom. Ew. Ew ew ew ew ew ew ew ew. Ew times a zillion. He and Alan spent the next hour pulling all the comic boxes out, cleaning up what was left on the shelf, wiping it down with ammonia, and sorting through the comics in those two boxes, one by one, to determine the damage (only 4 comiccasualties to report, in case you care). It appeared to be some sort of fluke, something in between the two boxes, whatever it was hadn't gone any farther out than those two boxes, but you know I'll be putting a call in to pest control. Again, as they were just here last week as we found a friggen SCORPION the week before. Ew ew ew ew ew.

Matt's prepping for his second semester of school. I'm trying to work with my boss to completely rearrange my entire work schedule so he can get to class, and I get to work around stupid JURY duty on the 3rd. Thrillsville. In SA, if you had Jury Duty, you were there pretty much all day. If you were lucky, they called your group early and hopefully sent you home. Here in Phoenix, I get to go downtown (where I've never been) and I don't have a CLUE where. I won't even find out WHEN I have to be there until I call a phone number after 5pm the day before I have to show up. Thanks for being convenient. Let me just tell you how easy THAT will be to work around 2 work schedules, a school schedule and one car.

If I can remember the rest of the random stuff that happened earlier this week, I suppose I'll just have to post it tomorrow, for I seem to have forgotten it all at the moment..

I've been tagged!

2009-01-21T09:09:00.004-07:00

8 TV Shows I watch:
1. How I Met Your Mother
2. Fringe
3. 24
4. LOST
5. Top Chef
6. The Biggest Loser
7. American Idol
8. America's Next Top Model (oh hush. its my one girly reality thing)

8 Restaurants I love:
1. Cantina Laredo
2. Jacala's (back in SA)
3. Taco Cabana (back in SA)
4. Freebirds (back in SA)
5. J Alexanders
6. Canyon Cafe/Sam's Cafe
7. Macaroni Grill
8. Wildflower Bakery

8 Things that Happened Today
(or yesterday in my case since it's only 9am)
1. did 40 minutes of strength training
2. walked to Fresh and Easy
3. baked chocolate chip shortbread
4. made a last minute decision to get Chicago dogs for dinner instead
5. talked to my mom
6. sorted an Avon order
7. watched Fringe and 24
8. read a chapter in my book

8 Things I look forward to:
1. the end of the day...I hate Wednesdays
2. that maybe it will get cold again here
3. being a mom
4. Seeing a movie Matt wrote at Sundance someday
5. Game Night this weekend
6. our 4th anniversary
7. reaching Honor Society with Avon
8. Matt's graduation from Film School

8 Things I wish for:
1. Reaching Honor Society with Avon
2. That Matt doesn't get burned out with working full time and going to school
3. a bigger kitchen
4. a magic kitchen so that I might cook lots of yummy amazing treats and not gain weight
5. but that the people I don't like might gain it instead ;)
6. a million dollars
7. student loan companies to magically lose all of their records and decide they can't collect anymore
8. Social Security to decide that that error they made in regards to the FIRST error they made wasn't actually an error and to fix it all the first time.

8 Songs I just listened to: (I won't count the craptastic music we've got in our changer at Curves right now)
1. Kings Of Leon - Sex On Fire
2. Hoarse - Crown
3. They Might Be Giants - Particle Man
4. Boston - More Than A Feelin
5. Led Zeppelin - All Of My Love
6. Good Charlotte - Lifestyles Of The Rich & Famous
7. Green Day - American Idiot
8. Sponge - Party Til We Drop

8 Favorite Movies:
1. Love Actually
2. The Holiday
3. The Goonies
4. Singin' In The Rain
5. Bells of Saint Mary's
6. Most of the Harry Potter movies
7. You've Got Mail
8. Swingers

Tag 8 people for this meme:

Yeah, I'll get to that later ;)

New Years Resolutions

2009-01-14T22:38:00.002-07:00

I don't set them. Do you?

I'm probably in the minority, evidenced by how busy we've been at Curves and all of the new members that join every January (and I don't need all 10 fingers to tell you how many actually stick with it past Valentine's Day)

So far, the 2 weeks of 2009 have just kept me a busy bee. Busy at Curves. Busy with Avon. Busy with family (spending LOTS of time on the phone with my Dad since my grandma died.) Busy helping Matt prep for school. I'd like to change my vote please. I'd like to make a resolution to not be so BUSY! Busy keeping the apartment clean. Busy working out. Busy trying some of the most amazing new recipes, like Soy Ginger Chicken, Chile Rellenos Casserole, Chicken Biscuit Pot Pie, Almost Tempura Chicken Strips..

Too bad this isn't a food blog, right? ;)

All's Quiet...

2008-12-30T19:23:00.000-07:00

Its too quiet here in the house. Of course, it is, after all, 1am. But I've gotten used to the glow of my brother's laptop in the corner of my office, and the familiar clicking of his NONSTOP texting (I swear. I am NEVER texting.) If he's not texting, he's snoring, seriously. But over the past month, I've gotten used to having him around. Its nice, actually, now that we're grown-ups and not tearing each other's hair out. He left today to head out to Vegas for a week or two. A few odd jobs here and there, something to keep him busy, so I think it'll do him good. And I know a little alone time for just M and I will be nice, and a 4 day weekend this week on top of it :)

I find myself unable to go to bed before 2am anymore, for no real reason at all. The vicious cycle, of course, is that it means I sleep later, so I get tired later, so I don't go to bed until 2am, so I sleep later, and so on. I have GOT to get back into a normal sleep pattern (having an insomniac for a brother didn't help!) When I'm sitting up at 2am, I find myself staring at the calendar on my desk, wondering WHERE in the world 2008 has gone. Here we are, December 30th, and the last year has just slipped through my fingers. . .

Two trips to MI - practically unheard of, I almost never travel more than just for Thanksgiving, and we didn't even do that this year! One trip to celebrate the grand opening of my Mom's Curves, then another, 6 months later, to WORK at Mom's Curves after she was in a bad accident, breaking her collarbone in 2 places, and a bone in her neck.

Visiting with my oldest brother a few times this year, having "the other brother" move in over Thanksgiving. I've seen more family this year than I have in the past seven, and for that I'm grateful, as I find myself without any real friends here in AZ. Oh sure, I had a couple here and there but none of them stuck around... the old saying about friends coming and going, sure does seem to be true.

Lots of my (non local) friends have become parents to some darn adorable children, and many will become parents early on in 2009. Perhaps this time next year, I'll be the one announcing a pregnancy. My nieces and nephews are growing at an alarming rate, save for Caitlin, who is desperately trying to regain the weight she lost, when we nearly lost this year due to the most severe appendicitis case I've ever heard of (and so agreed her surgeon).

I lost one of my three Grandmothers this year, and I've just received word that another is very ill and to "expect the worst" in the next two days.

**UPDATE - my Grandma Grace passed away this evening, around 5:30pm, 12/30/2008**

M started school, finishing his first semester with a shiny 4.0, and I've had the best year ever with my business, which is a nice accomplishment. Otherwise, I mostly seem to just sit here and watch the world change around me. Which is fine with me, most days :)

M's Film Debut

2008-12-24T01:10:00.004-07:00

Thought I'd share with you the project that M worked so darn hard on all semester. Please turn your speakers on to watch and let me know what you think!

"Broken"

First Semester - COMPLETED!

2008-12-20T00:36:00.001-07:00

annnnd -

M has a 4.0!!!

Added bonuses for having my big brother around

2008-12-14T20:31:00.002-07:00

My brother and M are the same age, just a few months apart. They are currently parked on the couch, watching football together. I LOVE that M has someone he can talk football with (because its certainly not my favorite sport..), and its really nice to hear them having such a good time :)

They also made chili for dinner tonight. M did most of it, and then Alan came in and doctored it up, resulting in a huge pot of AMAZING chili that we'll probably enjoy that for the next week or two.

Christmastime

2008-12-13T00:25:00.002-07:00

Are you one of those people who feels blue and lonely during the holiday season? I am. Maybe its because I'm so far away from my family, maybe its because I don't feel quite "home" here yet, but I find myself feeling particularly isolated this year.

We put our tree up last weekend. Four days later, I put some ornaments up. Alone. M and I have always decorated the tree together. The last time I remember decorating a tree alone was when I was 17. Mom and I lived in this gorgeous condo in Plymouth, MI. She was working about a zillion hours a week and I knew that if I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done. I put on some Christmas music, just loud enough to be obnoxious to the cranky seniors who lived in our community (ooh, did they ever hate me!), and I put up lights and ornaments as high as I could possibly reach. That year, Mom was taking us all to San Diego, right after Christmas, to visit with my oldest brother and his wife, who was expecting baby #1, my first nephew. The gifts under the tree were to be light that year, since the trip was our big gift. I bought Mom two CDs - Pete Droge and the Sinners and George Thorogood.

She bought me a Clapper. Yeah. "Clap on! Clap off! Clap on, clap off, the Clapper!"

Honestly? I loved it :) I had white Christmas lights strung all over my 4 poster bed, and it was a heck of a lot easier than trying to plug them in every night (because I kept them up all year long. My room was cozy with those lights!)

The day we arrived in San Diego, I felt like I was having a bad allergic reaction. 24 hours later, I'm in the ER, with a pneumonia and bronchitis diagnosis. Once I got on the meds, I was fine. The next day, EVERYONE ELSE IN THE HOUSE got the flu, except for me and my brother-in-law (who suffered silently with just a cold sore). I think he and I were the only ones who enjoyed that trip to Disneyland...

Anyway. Tangent.

This year, as I said, I've pretty much "decorated" alone. M's busy with work and finals, so I'm just here, doing my thing, right? Sure. I half-assed decorated the tree. The box with the rest of the decorations is still sealed in the living room. M keeps telling me "see if you can finish getting it all up while I'm at work/school tomorrow", but I just don't have it in me. A week later, we're still about a quarter of the way decorated, and I'm to the point where I'd kinda rather just put it all back in the box and forget Christmas this year. I just don't feel like I have the heart to do it this year. I spent the community Christmas party sorta hanging out with my brother - who charmed the entire table, while I sat 2 feet away, manning my little Avon table that my property manager asked me to host. Money is tight, and we'll have next to nothing under the tree this year. There were about 4 things I REALLY wanted to get M this year that just didn't happen. M has just one class left on Tuesday. He's going into work tomorrow, so there's one more day I won't see him at all, and though he doesn't have to, he's going in to his Wednesday class anyway to burn a few more DVDs and watch a movie - never mind that he's already turned in his project AND taken the final. I would think he'd want to take a break, enjoy some time at home perhaps. I know he's just busy, but its Christmas, you know?

I think I'm ready to just skip right to April. Past Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day and our anniversary.

a little more randomness

2008-12-06T15:44:00.004-07:00

Outside of my apartment I heard lots of footsteps moving at a run, and a whistle blowing every few seconds. I look up to see a group of people apparently running laps around my building. All wearing red, white or green. Some wearing Reindeer antlers, candy cane headbands, or Santa/elf hats.

I'm not particularly sure what's going on outside. Some sort of Christmas Elf training program? Its times like these I wish I had a digital camera, or at least, a camera phone.

Rosemary and Carmen

2008-12-03T11:42:00.004-07:00

I'm sitting at Curves this morning, and the Best of Abba is blaring in my ears. We didn't have this CD at the Curves in TX, but most of the Curves discs have the same 130 beats per minute techno-style rhythm. Something about this particular beat makes me homesick, specifically, for MY Curves.

At MY Curves, I worked the afternoon shifts, and around 5pm, Rosemary would come in. Rosemary and I had a very...special friendship. She and I would pick on each other relentlessly, chat about her deep crush on Robert Horry, and she'd pester me about having babies more than my mom and mother-in-law combined. Rosemary is convinced that I will first have a girl, who by the age of 3, will have long, curly, auburn hair. The curls, maybe. The auburn is unlikely - my red hair for the last 10 years came from a bottle.

We'd laugh and joke through her whole workout. She'd come in and say "I saw your car, so I decided not to skip my workout today. But if you weren't here, I wasn't coming in". Sometimes if I had M's car, she'd show up anyway and act surprised to see me, as if I wasn't there every afternoon anyway. She's feisty and sarcastic and swears (on accident, she always covers her mouth like she had no control of letting that last one slip) and her cardio is this particular hip-shaking move that works perfect with the beat on this Abba CD, and if I didn't know better, I'd think I could just look up and see her out there on the circuit, singing along, laughing and doing her thang.

Carmen also came in around 5pm, and she and I were also pretty close. Carmen intimidated the HELL out of me when I first started there. She looks fierce and wanted to try on the new Curvaceous clothing line on my first day there alone, and just started grabbing things off the rack and running to the dressing room. I didn't know where anything was or what to do with that side of the business, and she had such a take-charge personality, that I just sat back, slack-jawed and stunned. Once I got to know her, I learned that she too is hilarious, sarcastic and feisty. The three of us together - well, lets just say that if you were out there with us, getting a word in edgewise was difficult, unless you were willing to join in on picking on ME.

Once, I was really sick, but couldn't find a cover for my shift, so I sat behind the desk with a box of Kleenex, a bottle of hand sanitizer, and a fever over 100. I looked pathetic, and I felt like hell. Carmen came in, finished her workout and left, only to show up again about 10 minutes later, with two grocery bags in hand. One was filled with cold medicines of various types. Some were open box things she had at home, the others were brand new. The other bag contained a Tupperware container filled to the brim with homemade, piping hot chicken and rice soup. "I just happened to have made this yesterday and have a TON of it! There's a plastic takeout spoon inside too if you want to eat it now". Had I not been dehydrated, I might have cried, it was such a sweet gesture, and there's nothing like feeling mothered when you're sick and away from home.

Carmen and Rosemary liked to call me the "drill sargent" or "circuit Nazi". I was one tough cookie out there. If your heart rate is too low, I'm GOING to get it higher. If you're not kicking out hard enough or using something wrong, I will physically MOVE you to the right position. The ladies out here in Scottsdale are lovely and nice, but I can't find that same rhythm with them, and it makes me homesick for my old Curves.

At my Goodbye dinner after my final shift, I hugged Carmen and Rosemary last and tightest, and the three of us both failed miserably at holding back the tears. I miss them both SO much!

*side note - the folks walking around this center today are REALLY bizarre and random. 5 people in suits just rode by on Seguays, a group of guys who look like they stumbled off a Black Crowes tour bus went into Quiznos, and a group of EMO skaters crossed their path to Panda Express. Its a WEIRD day out there...

2008-12-01T00:16:00.002-07:00

My brother A is staying with us for a while. Could be just until Christmas, could be a few months - sorta depends on the whole job situation down here in Scottsdale for him, but I'm happy he's here. A is 5 years older than I am (and just a few months older than M) and though he only arrived on Thursday, we've had a good time. Stayed up too late too many times, but playing cards, trivia games, catching up. Whatever. Tomorrow, A and I plan to go for a walk to wander the neighborhood a little, and it will be really nice to have the company.

Last week was my birthday, as I previously mentioned, and I'm a bit sad to report that only two of my good (local) friends actually remembered. I shouldn't let it bother me, I know, but I would be lying if I said I didn't care. Was I expecting a party, ticker-tape parade, piles of gifts and cards? Of course not. I'm 28. A "happy birthday!" would have been nice though.

But the friends who DID remember my birthday - friends I've had for over 7 years now - and my family, are what really count. My In-Laws bought me 2 turkey platters and a gravy boat for my birthday gift. Not the most exciting gifts, but as I was without both platter and boat 2 days before Thanksgiving, I was more than THRILLED to unwrap them :) M decided in the end to not go to class Tuesday night, and so we went with his parents, to dinner at Buca di Beppo, where a platter of spaghetti was dropped on the floor just inches from M and I (I knew there was a "kitchen table" at Buca. I did not know there was a "splash zone"). We drank wine and ate pasta and cake and talked and planned, and it was truly lovely. I really do enjoy my In-Laws.

What I didn't enjoy, or understand (and this is my ONLY gripe about my MIL), was why, the day before Thanksgiving, my mother in law felt it was absolutely necessary to make M a cake. Because I wasn't busy enough in the kitchen, or had enough dishes to worry about. Wednesday, M and I rush off to work. I finish my shift and run to Wal-Mart for some last minute stuff, rush home, inhale a bowl of Cocoa Puffs for lunch, and ask MIL if she'd get the cornbread started for my stuffing and get the turkey thawed while I went to pick up M from work. As I'm leaving, she's gathering the cornbread ingredients...and preparing to make a cake. *groan*

An hour later, M and I walk in the door to the smell of cake...and burning. MIL had underestimated the size of my cake pan, so the batter puffed up, spilled over, and (having placed the pan on the TOP rack of my oven), hit the heating elements, burned, and spilled all over the inside of my oven. The day before Thanksgiving. In my CLEAN, ready-for-turkey sink, is the cake. Wet batter. Partially cooked batter. MIL, FIL and M are standing around the sink, picking the cooked batter out and nibbling on it. I honestly think I was in a bit of shock, because now my turkey still isn't thawed, I have a hundred things to do that now include RE-cleaning the sink AND the oven and about 12 unnecessarily dirty dishes. And they're standing around eating cake from the sink.

Wow.

When MIL and FIL left to pick up dinner and M went to class, I had no choice.

I called my mother. And I bitched. And it felt good.

And later, MIL cleaned the oven. In all honesty, was it that big of a deal? No, I was just overly stressed out, worried about everything, and a bit blue about my birthday. And looking back, the cake thing was pretty funny anyway.

A said tonight of the whole Thanksgiving process "Next year, it will be a piece of cake.

. . .

No pun intended"

SUCCESS!

2008-11-28T12:57:00.002-07:00

The leftovers are put away, out-of-towners are heading home, bellies are full, and Thanksgiving 2008 was an AMAZING success! I feel SO proud of how everything turned out, and everyone loved EVERYTHING! I don't think my in-laws knew quite what to think of my brothers and their humor, but we had a great night. Lots of laughs and jokes, just a great night all around (though I've never spent that long in a kitchen before, I was beat!)

Today I'm parked near the phone and my laptop for my big Thanksgiving Weekend sale (details at www.youravon.com/mmansfield) We went out for breakfast and are just visiting with everyone now, and I'm contemplating a slice of pie for lunch :)

Happy Thanksgiving!

28 years ago today. . .

2008-11-25T11:01:00.000-07:00

I was born :)

(and 33 years ago today, M was born!) Happy Birthday to us!

Things I Learned Today

2008-11-24T00:29:00.004-07:00

1 - If you think you're out of string cheese, check the back of the fridge, behind the shelves on the bottom. If its been 8 months since you last bought string cheese, its probably best to throw that one out.

2 - Jell-O Pudding Singles suck. Pudding cups are more convenient. I don't have to mix it myself or wait 5 minutes, it isn't lumpy and it fits just as well in a lunch box or purse. Sure, I have to bring a spoon, but its a heck of a lot easier than bringing 1/2 cup of milk.

3 - Fry's (Kroger if you're not from 'round these parts) is the best grocery store EVER. Why? Because we bought a 22lb turkey for LESS THAN NINE DOLLARS.

Yeah. You read that right. 22lbs of turkey. $8.75. Bad ASS.

4 - Give me a hot glue gun, some PVC pipe, ribbon, seed beads and a week, and I can turn out some pretty gorgeous napkin rings. Now, give me your digital camera, and I will show them to you. ;)

5 - Hot Glue Guns are messy.

6 - Bourbon Pecan Chicken is delicious.

7 - my 20 year old cat, Buttons, has 1 tooth left on her upper jaw. I estimate that she has about 15 teeth. Looks like all of her incisors are there, plus 3 canine teeth. That's all. She should have about 30 teeth. Buttons, who has hated wet food ALL of her long life, can now only eat wet food. This makes me incredibly sad. I know she's old. I know that death is an inevitable part of life, and I know that - outside of moving a lot and having poop issues and bulimia, she's had a good, well loved life... but she's always been little bitty Buttons (well, big fat little bitty Buttons). She's MY Buttons, and to think that she's...

OK. can't finish THAT thought.

So instead, here are some lovely, recent pictures of Miss B.

Photos courtesy of J. Bills

Thanksgiving, as I know it, is ruined

2008-11-22T12:39:00.003-07:00

Well. Not MY Thanksgiving...but everything I ever thought about Thanksgiving.

You see, I've ALWAYS loved my Mom's stuffing recipe. Its moist and flavorful and light and fluffy and just PERFECT. Since we've been going to Matt's family's for Thanksgiving for so many years, I've really missed having Mom's stuffing - and because they're big fans of cornbread dressing (and I'm not), it just doesn't feel like the Thanksgiving I know and love.

This year, as I mentioned, I'm hosting the big day for the first time, and so I'm pulling together lots of new recipes, hoping to find a few to start traditions of our own. The stuffing recipe I plan to make actually combines cornbread AND French bread, so I thought that perhaps it would be the best of both worlds. I started feeling a little nervous about trying something new though, because as we all know, stuffing is a BIG part of the Thanksgiving tradition, so I called my mom and asked, in a panic, for her recipe, so that perhaps I can just have something familiar and not find myself having a nervous breakdown, curled up in a corner of the kitchen, rocking back and forth, worried about ruining Thanksgiving. Mom said. . .

"well I don't really have a recipe. Its really easy though, just add pineapple chunks and walnuts to your boxes of Stove Top"

(I sat in stunned silence...)

what? ADD to the Stove Top? What do you mean, you used Stove Top all these years?

Memories of Thanksgivings past crumbled at my feet. My Mom, who in my eyes was always the best cook EVER, used boxed stuffing. It was all an illusion. Smoke and Mirrors. Pineapple and Walnuts. Carefully disguised (and boxes covertly thrown away) BOXED STUFFING.

Of course, I don't think less of it - I still love it and now that I know the secret, I can make Mom's stuffing anytime I want, but I would be lying if I wasn't totally stunned.

What Thanksgiving "secrets" do YOU have in your family?

Think Thin Thursday (and other thtuff)

2008-11-19T18:31:00.003-07:00

Watching your weight this holiday season? Please click the "Think Thin Thursday" banner on your left and join my friends and I on our quest to not eat everything in sight this year! Bridgette is one of my dearest friends, and oh how her blog puts mine to shame!

In other news...

So I don't know about you, but I love "buy one get one free" deals. M and I used a BOGO free coupon today for iced coffees at Dunkin Donuts. I've received 4 BOGO free emails for various restaurants (and so has M!) as our birthday is next Tuesday. I plan to use them all. Free food is great ;) But sometimes, companies go overboard. Case in point - M recently went to Walgreens to grab a bottle of Aleve for my aching fingers. The box was shrink-wrapped with TWO boxes together! Hooray for free drugs, right?

The second box was preprinted with a faux bow and gift tag (complete with space for To and From) and the wrapper had a sticker "Buy one for you, give one as a gift!"

Really? Buy one bottle of Aleve and give one as a gift. Hm. Is there something I'm missing? Am I supposed to be giving OTC pain medications as gifts to all of my loved ones? Did I miss a boat somewhere, or does this fall under the "ridiculous" category with anyone else? Merry Christmas, now take two of these and call me on Boxing Day, I guess.

In other, other news...

Have I mentioned that my birthday is next Tuesday? ;) M's too, and normally, I'd be all excited, but as it falls on a Tuesday, the day M is usually gone ALL day long, I'm prepared to feel a little lonely. Well, not TOO lonely, as M's parents will be arriving on Monday. "Happy birthday, hang out with my parents all day and I'll be home too late to go out to a nice dinner with everyone" :( I asked M to check with his very easygoing professor, to see perhaps, what they were going to be doing next week, in the event its a class he can miss or leave early. Maybe I'm spoiled or selfish, but I'd just like to spend OUR birthday TOGETHER. In the past eight years, we've never NOT spent the day together. Normally, we're driving home from NM, so our birthday is uneventful, but at least we're together, sharing a fancy birthday meal of KFC on the road in the middle of nowhere...

M's response was rather hesitant, which made me more blue than I care to really admit. As if he didn't even WANT to spend the day with me. Perhaps he's just reluctant to admit that he'll be 33 this year, but still. And as it turns out, all they're supposed to be doing next week is watching "Goodnight and Good luck" - a movie we planned to rent anyway, so what's the big deal? We'll rent the movie this weekend, he can make an appearance in class for any notes or homework, and then we can go out for our Regularly Scheduled Birthday Dinner and I can stop whining and bitching about spending the night watching (and feeling like) The Biggest Loser on the couch with my in-laws (whom I love DEARLY, by the way, I'm not one of those cranky girls who loathes her in-laws, like almost ALL of my friends.)

And finally, all birthday unfun aside, I AM looking forward to/am extremely nervous about Thanksgiving 2008. This year, I will be hosting and cooking my very first Thanksgiving, and cooking food, for the first time, for more than four people. I'm nervous as hell, am probably way over thinking and picking entirely too many recipes (thank you very much Pioneer Woman!) My guests include my in-laws, my brother A, my brother G and his girlfriend, and of course, Matt and I. I don't know where we're going to sit. I don't know HOW I'm supposed to cook all of this food in my teeny apartment kitchen (so far, in addition to the standard turkey, stuffing and mashed potatoes, I have my brother's homemade applesauce, FOUR other vegetable dishes, 3 pies, 2 appetizer/nibblers, and a partridge in a pear tree...). And I wish my Mom was coming out too :(

ahh, weekends part 2

2008-11-17T11:58:00.002-07:00

Gotta love how just as soon as I feel rotten about spending a day alone, like I did on Saturday, we follow it up with something fun and amazing.

Saturday night we had a little dinner party with 2 of M's coworkers. Wine was supplied, and I brought the fixins for my white pizza (which was gobbled up and thoroughly enjoyed). We had a lot of fun and really enjoyed the company.

Sunday, though we were exhausted (we didn't go to bed until 4am!), we had errands to run, so we spent the whole groggy day together. And of course, it was wonderful.

ahh, weekends.

2008-11-15T17:31:00.003-07:00

There's nothing like a good weekend - sleeping late, sharing a pot of coffee, spending time togeth...

oh wait.

M's not here. Damn.

I thought weekends were supposed to be the time we spent together, since we never see each other during the week anymore...

One week down

2008-11-13T22:36:00.003-07:00

Its been a week since I made my little promise to myself - no more trash talking ME. I've actually gone a whole week without saying one negative thing about myself. I had one near-setback the other day, but stopped before the thought had even finished in my head. Feels good to appreciate me for a change :)

But the loneliness I'm still feeling, I could do without. I really need to make some friends out here. Lately, we've been spending more time with some of M's coworkers, who I like a lot, they're a lot of fun, but as it always seems to be, they all wind up talking about work, while I sit back and listen. It was like this back in TX - M's friends from high school and college, every time we'd all get together, it was "Oh! Remember So-and-So? I saw them last weekend" or "hey, what about that time that you and whatsherface..." All funny stories, but all before M and I even met.

How do you deal with situations like that? For me, like I said, I tend to just get quiet. Listen. Laugh when appropriate. Lots of nodding and smiling. But that only goes so far when it comes to wanting to be social, and at the end of the night, I feel even more left out and lonely than I did when the night began.

he knows.

2008-11-07T23:40:00.002-07:00

M wasn't feeling well last night. About an hour after I posted, he got up and was throwing up for about an hour, poor guy.

He went to class this afternoon, but he could tell my mood wasn't great. He showed up about 40 minutes later than I expected...

with flowers in hand, then he took me out to dinner. Sweetie. I needed that.

(he also said he wondered if I had a hot date tonight without him, since I almost never blow dry my hair or style it, unless its a special occassion. I'll just pretend I made him a little jealous, and that's what worked ;) )

Feeling lonely

2008-11-06T22:44:00.003-07:00

Ever have those days where you just feel crappy and lonely?

Sunday night and Monday were those days for me. Sunday was actually pretty cool. M's coworker, a photographer, came over to shoot for a project M has for school. The project is really going to be great, I think, and I'm really proud of M for putting so much thought into it. Sunday night, though, I started feeling kinda blue. The 3+ week dry spell I mentioned before was getting to me. I was feeling just down in the dumps. Nothing helped.

Monday started off much the same. When I have days like this, I tend to stew over it for a day or two, then I break out of the funk. I was trying to break out of it - not very successfully, I might add - when I stumbled getting down onto the ground to open a box, mildly spraining my wrist and doing something weird to my knee (it "hurt", but only in a sense that I think it hurt, as I can't actually feel pain in that leg...). The pain did NOT help my mood. I was tired. I wanted to nap. I lay down on the couch to nap, and my doorbell rings, and an acquaintance and her dog come in to visit. I don't mind the visiting. I do mind her denying that it was her dog who peed on my carpet, blaming it on my cat (who DOES, admittedly, have a bladder issue, as she's 20, but she hadn't moved from her spot all day. Leave it to my miracle cat to pee from across the room...) I went to work, sore, tired and cranky. I came home. I ate dinner. I went to bed.

Tuesday and Wednesday were better. My knee felt better. My wrist still hurt. I worked it out. My hair looked cute and curly. Good hair days help a bad mood.

Thursday felt GREAT. My knee didn't hurt at all. My wrist hurt less. My hair looked even better than it had on Wednesday. I got a bunch of stuff done. I made a promise to myself to follow the Golden Rule, but backwards. "Treat others as you would want to be treated". My vow? "Treat yourself the way you treat others". If I wouldn't tell someone that they look terrible, it shouldn't be okay to tell myself the same thing. Maybe its silly, but I really do have a rotten self image, and I really do want to change that. I want to be the woman who is confident all the time, not just when she puts on a confident face. I want to be the woman who owns her curves, is proud of them, is strong. Not the woman I currently see in the mirror (when I'm not too ashamed to look)

I was feeling great. I had my day, I went to work, I had a good day there. I came home, we made dinner...and then...

nothing.

I was feeling affectionate - or at least, in NEED of affection. I received none. I got chilly and wanted to cuddle. M got up to take his contacts out, and brought the cat back on his lap. No cuddling for me, just the cat. Now I'm suddenly back to Sunday night. Feeling lonely. Feeling "why bother? He didn't notice my hair looked pretty today, or the smile I wore that he used to like. He doesn't want me to touch him. He hardly wants me near him."

I feel like I may need to work a little extra hard tomorrow to work myself out of tonight. I hope my hair dryer can handle that...

(sorry for the funk, y'all)

Go Vote!

2008-11-04T09:50:00.001-07:00

Have you voted yet? We mailed in our ballots a week or two ago, and its nice to know that its already done! Make sure you get out and vote today if you haven't yet - you know what they say: "If you don't vote, you can't complain!"

it is much too early for ABBA.

2008-11-01T08:03:00.002-07:00

Good morning from work. Love how we open at 7am on Saturday, and most weekends, nobody comes in until about 8:30. Someone remind me why we don't change the hours? I'd much prefer to not have to get up at 6am on a Saturday to be here at 7 and sit by myself for 90 minutes eating dry Apple Jacks.

I did have one member in this morning, actually, so that was nice. A little social interaction is always welcome. I've been trying to get out of the house a little more - failing miserably, I'm sure. I try not to count my regular deliveries, so spending an hour "hanging out" with my apartment manager (she was bored too!) on Thursday was something different, and though we've been to 2 concerts already, with a 3rd (Local H!) in about 10 days, that's about as active as my social life seems to get.

I have a small group of friends here, and we have a local message board so we keep in touch daily, most of us from work, but we don't get together all that often anymore. Everyone is busy lately, and with the holidays fast approaching, I know it just gets worse from here. Having to share the car makes it a lot more difficult. The few times the girls do meet up for lunch or Happy Hour, I usually can't make it, because M has class or is at work. It sucks to be lonely. Being on the insecure side that I am, I can't help but wonder about once a month if somehow I irritated everyone; perhaps they get together more than I realize, and I've just not been invited. Its all silly paranoia leftover from a crappy high school experience, and at least I can acknowledge that.

M and I have been...distant..too. We spend just as much time together as we normally do since school started, but I've been feeling lonely when it comes to us too. Sure, we had a blast at both concerts. We had fun watching the basketball game last night, passing out candy to the few trick-or-treaters we saw, but things feel off. Maybe its stress; I know he's trying to think of a subject for his next film project on top of two other class projects to work on plus his regular day-to-day garbage for work. I'm sure at least some of that is contributing to the 3 week (and counting) dry spell, but it certainly doesn't help me to feel any less lonely. I try to want to go to bed at the same time he does, "just in case...", but I have trouble feeling tired at 10:30 or 11pm when I've spent all day at home doing a lot of nothing and busy work, so I fumble my way to bed around 2am, when he's long since asleep, and lay awake in the dark, wishing I could have my husband back.

"I Haven't Had This Much Fun . . ."

2008-10-30T23:41:00.004-07:00

I don't care if you're not familiar with the band Cowboy Mouth - if you hear that they're coming to your town, you MUST go see them. I've been to a lot of shows, but when it comes to energy, stage presence, heart and pure soul, they all pale in comparison (sorry to all my other favorites!)

Yesterday was crazy. Normally, after I pick M up from work in the afternoon on Wednesdays, we come home, inhale dinner, and he's off to class. The last time we had an opportunity to see Cowboy Mouth, we missed the show, and they didn't come back to San Antonio for 7 years, so come hell or high water, we were not missing this one. It meant that M would work 2 hours late, and instead of a 3 hour class, I'd take him to school and pick him up an hour later before we went out to Old Town for the show at Martini Ranch.

Martini Ranch is kinda cool. I don't know that its my favorite venue for live music, as the only place I could sit to actually see the stage without having people stand in front of me was so far to Stage Left that I was nearly BEHIND it, and I was at the "service" end of the bar, so I was constantly worried I was in the way of the lone waitress. Just before Cowboy Mouth takes the stage, M decides he wants a beer, so I'm left alone at said service end while he orders. I feel a tap on my shoulder and a man I don't know says "Can I buy you a drink?" Now, my husband was not that far away, and I wasn't sure I heard this guy right, because I think the last time I had a drink bought for me was back at the Rivertown Saloon (RIP) in Detroit (when I was all of 17...), so I probably just tilted my head like so many Cocker Spaniels, prompting him to say "What do you want to drink? I own the place. Thanks for coming out tonight!" Startled, I think quickly and say "Oh! Thanks! A Blue Moon would be great!" So Martini Ranch, and the super friendly owner, gets a few more points from me. M told me later that the owner stood next to him to order my drink, and he asked the bartender "Is there a drink called a blue moon?" - obviously not familiar with the beer he stocks in his own bar, but I won't hold that against him :)

Cowboy Mouth, I should mention, is all about Audience Participation. They want you to sing. They want you to scream. They want you to clap along and shout and sweat and dance as if your life depends on it. They want you to have fun and appreciate the life you have. Cowboy Mouth FANS take this well to heart, and I saw a lot of sweaty, smiling faces. Everyone was having a great time. The girl behind me was dancing so hard she dropped her drink on me, and knocked me in the head with her elbow at least four times. She hugged my shoulders each time saying "Oh I'm SO sorry! I'm just dancing!" (M said she stored her purse under my chair. Thank you. I'd like a quarter please for being your personal locker and punching bag) The girl in front of me was high as a flipping KITE. She kissed my hand for no reason. She danced like Elaine on Seinfeld. She kept crouching down and grabbing my ankles and knees. At one point. She knelt at my feet and put her hands on my thighs (hello, personal space please!). I looked her square in the eye and said "Can I help you?" And she just said "I am sooooo high!"

Yes. Thank you Captain Obvious.

Cowboy Mouth played for two glorious hours. Our throats were raw from singing. My shoulders and hands, on FIRE from clapping and holding them over my head for two hours (thank heavens for Degree!). I was able to get a copy of the set list, and we chatted with the band afterward and had it signed. We were so buzzed after such a high energy night that I was afraid I'd never get to sleep, but I was so tired, I passed out instantly after hitting the pillow. I woke up with the song "This Much Fun" stuck in my head (which sadly, I could not get to load properly on my playlist)

M said he was excited for me to listen to the live album again. "It sounds totally different," he said, "after experiencing it yourself. You want to shout and sing and clap right along with the audience. Every time Fred says 'Are you WITH me?!?!?!?!', you want to scream right back at him. Its fun before you see them, but after you've seen it live, you feel like you're right back in it with the live album."

He was right :)

2008-10-27T11:46:00.004-07:00

This past Saturday, we made a 40 minute drive down to Gilbert for a Halloween party. I would like to take a brief moment to mention that this was my first Halloween party since grade school, and I don't often do parties anyway. We're just not party people, I guess.

Costumes weren't required, but were definitely encouraged, so M dressed in a ton of old cowboy gear (his brother's old boots, a cool belt buckle of his dad's, an old hat - insisting that he didn't feel like he was in a costume, as this was what he used to wear anyway...) He looked impossibly cute, all rugged and cowboy'd up. I went a comfy but cute route, and dressed as Rosie the Riveter - my own jeans, cuffed up to my knees, a blue work shirt, red scarf in my hair, and seriously FIERCE makeup. I wish I could wear red lips like that on a daily basis, it was gorgeous.

I don't know how long the red lips lasted once we arrived, I was quickly handed a Caramel Apple Martini. The first of MANY. I was also rather hungry, and despite nibbling on a tasty spread of goodies that did nothing for my appetite, an empty stomach and copious amounts of booze meant that 2 hours and 2 drinks later, I was already drunk. Amazingly enough, my martini glass never seemed to be empty for long, which is probably why I don't really remember anything beyond about 10pm.

Sunday morning I woke with a headache and an uncomfortable dizzy sensation (but as expected, was never sick). I also woke to an itchy (and thankfully, short lived) rash in my cleavage, blood on my socks from a cut on my ankle I don't remember getting, and various bits and pieces of the plot of "Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants" meandering through my head - learning later that M asked me to tell him about the movie on the way home, to help me stay awake. Apparently, all I could mutter was "pants. 4 pants. no, 4 girls. Gilmore Girl. Greece. Ugly Betty. Marriage. Dad is douchebag. Soccer camp girl is a whore. Gilmore girl. Greece. GREECE! Walmart." And then I passed out.

I should totally review movies when I'm wasted, yes?

"Big Sue"

2008-10-22T08:56:00.004-07:00

Every morning, a group of 6 or 7 ladies come into Curves to "work out". I use the quotes because really, none of them get any sort of work out, outside of moving their mouths nonstop. They're nice, but don't bother trying to get a word in edgewise, which makes my job a little difficult, considering that not a single one of them does the workout properly.

Since I've been at this location, I've heard every morning about "Big Sue":

"Have ya talked to Sue?"
"No! But I sent her an email last week and she didn't send one back"
"I saw her car the other day! I called her and left her a message and told her that I saw her!"
"Oh! I talked to her on Saturday and she says. . ."

Its the funniest thing. Honestly, I was starting to think Big Sue didn't exist. An urban myth, that "I know someone who knows someone who has a cousin who saw a UFO".

Today, Big Sue came in. She does exist!

20 minutes into their 30 minute workout, the three chattiest ladies are still here, the rest have finished and gone. Conversation turns to something that requires so much focus, you simply can't work out while talking ("Mamma Mia!". . .), and fifteen minutes later, I realize that all three of them are just sitting ON the machines, gabbing away, not working out at all. When two more ladies came in to start their workout, they left. And stood talking in the parking lot for 10 minutes.

Good work out today, Ladies! ;)

(I should mention, they really are nice and I do like them, it just cracks me up how little they really do)

A few ramblings before bedtime

2008-10-21T00:35:00.003-07:00

So Weezer this past weekend was AMAZING. Seriously. I wish I could rewind my life, go back, and do it again and again. They played for HOURS it seemed. Everyone sang, or played something different, at some point, so I think it was a case of nobody getting tired too soon. At the end of the show, they brought out about 35 local folks with instruments ranging from guitars and drum sets to flutes and cellos, and even some guy with a didgeridoo (awesome!), and they played a few songs with the band. I would have been a nervous wreck up there with an entire coliseum full of screaming fans in front of me, but everyone did a phenomenal job :) The show openers were Tokyo Police Club (not to be confused with Tokio Hotel, who were also in town on Saturday), a band from Toronto - very cool, I recommend them, and Angels and Airwaves. A&A had a pretty large crowd themselves, and they performed fine, but I just can't get into them, and was almost bummed that they were on the schedule. The only great part, as far as I'm concerned, was when Tom, the lead singer (formerly of Blink 182) came out to sing "Undone (The Sweater Song)" with Weezer. That was fun.

The show ended around 10pm, so we had our obligatory deep fried something (polish sausage) at the State Fair, washed it down with a beer, and went home. A good night, but like I said, I'd love to go back and do it again. I miss going to a great concert every other weekend. Back in Michigan, from about 97-99, I went to a LOT of shows. I was the Youth Editor at a local Catholic newspaper, and - well OK, I probably abused my title a bit - because I discovered how easy it was to get Press Passes to just about any show I wanted. Free tickets, CDs, press booklets. I went to probably 6-10 shows during the 6 months or so that I worked there. It was a lot of fun.

During that time, my brothers' band (Freed/The Bowery Kings/The Leeds) and all of their friend's bands (Solid Frog, I Hate Mars, All Hail Me being the three I saw most) were attempting to take Detroit by storm, so I was at THEIR shows every other weekend as well. Add to that my lucky streak with 105.1 The EDGE and 89X, and I was winning tickets left and right. Over the course of about 2 years, I saw Green Day, Goo Goo Dolls, Ani DiFranco, Cake, Reel Big Fish (at least 3x), Fastball, Collective Soul, Ziggy Marley, Shawn Mullins, The Bloodhound Gang, Live, Bush, Everclear, Duran Duran, Elvis Costello, and a BUNCH more (yes, there's more!). The marketing manager at The EDGE asked me to pass out fliers at the Goo Goo Dolls show, thinking I was one of her employees. When I corrected her, she said "but I see you at everything we're at! Why don't you work for me?! Here's my card, maybe we can work something out!" (we didn't, much to my dismay, I was busy working 40hrs a week piercing ears at Claire's) So going to a great rock show makes me a bit nostalgic for 10 years ago, when I could stay up for days, sustained only by a steady stream of Doritos, Dew and ridiculous conversation (and fit into some amazing, sexy but NOT skanky, outfits)

Fast forward to 2002. I'm living in TX with M and working at Linens N Things as a cashier. If you haven't heard by now, Linens N Things has just announced that they're going out of business. Though I no longer work there, this makes me really sad, because it was a job I loved, and even though I quit in 2005, a part of me still feels attached to it. I spent a LOT of time (and a lot of money. . .) there, and I forged some amazing friendships. Few of them stuck in the long term, but they're always in my heart. It feels a bit like the slamming shut of a chapter in my life, you know? I shouldn't get into conversations this random at 1am. I don't know where they go :)

And on a "since nobody asked MY opinion" note, I think a lot of LNT's undoing was partnering with too many "celebrities". It started with Emeril. Then Nate Berkus (who? Exactly. I think he was one of Oprah's designers). Then Rachael Ray (man am I ever glad I'd already quit when THAT came into the picture), followed by Paula Deen, and a gaggle of other "famous" chefs and designers and people nobody'd ever heard of or cared about. Prices went up with the attached names, and the next thing you know, they're kaput.

Anyway, I'm going to bed. I have a busy day of being UnSingle ahead of me tomorrow (it is, after all, a Tuesday.)

Off To The Fair

2008-10-18T10:01:00.001-07:00

I'm SO excited. M and I are going to the State Fair this afternoon. Normally, I wouldn't care much about the fair, but WEEZER is playing, and all you need is the fair admission, $12 each. That's WAY cheap to see my favorite band :)

Have a great weekend y'all!

EEEEEEEEEEK!

2008-10-16T00:06:00.002-07:00

WARNING: Shameless gloating and celebration ahead!!!

If you hadn't checked my profile, you may not have noticed or known that I am an Avon Representative. I intend to keep, for the most part, business out of my blog, but it will creep in now and again. This is one of those times.

Today we had a sales meeting. Recognition is the first 5 minutes or so of the meeting. I learned that, out of 775 Reps in my district, I am #9 in sales. NINE. As in "cracked the Top Ten". As in, there are 766 people on the list UNDER me for once, instead of above and far ahead. As in "I probably contribute to more of that total than I should admit, and most of it is eyeshadows and lipgloss"

I am entirely too excited for words (or not, as there are less wordy ways to exclaim this. . .) But that's why its midnight and I'm not sleeping :)

Hooray!

how to get absolutely nothing done

2008-10-14T16:05:00.003-07:00

a short lesson in productivity:

wake up feeling less than great, but not horrible.
volunteer for a study (last week) about cold medicine, get bottle in the mail today, follow instructions to take cold medicine per survey. Feel glad that it came today since we have no cold medicine in the house.

spend rest of afternoon staring off into space and/or napping.

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

blech.

2008-10-14T11:56:00.006-07:00

I'm not feeling all that great today. I haven't really been feeling sick, just. . .off. Sorta run down, I guess. Which is stupid, because its not like I've been any busier than my normal "not busy at all"

The weather here in Scottsdale has been INCREDIBLE lately. The normal highs for this time of year are usually around 90 still, but it was in the low 70's all weekend. Its sunny and breezy and just beautiful. This bums me out a bit, because the weather is perfect today to take a walk, but I just don't feel up to it. Booooo.

M and I received an invite to a Halloween party at the end of the month, and I'm looking forward to it. Believe it or not, this will be my first Halloween party since. . .oh, probably elementary school. Costumes are required, so we spent the weekend trying to figure out what to do. M's parents are sending him a bunch of cowboy stuff (the real deal - spurs and all!). My original idea was to wear this to go along with him, but it appears that EVERYONE had the same idea, as that costume is sold out at every online retailer - EVERYWHERE. Booo.

So I'm probably going back to my black pants (vinyl if I can find them), black top, boots and wig. My "standard" costume since 1999, seen here:

as I feared . . .

2008-10-08T23:27:00.006-07:00

I'm running out of things to say :( How many times can I post "sat at home alone tonight. M left all the lights on again. . .". I think my blog is boring. What would spice it up?

Actually, tonight he only left on two before he went to class, and I didn't eat alone. We got home from work and I started in on dinner pretty quickly (recipe to follow!) we ate, watched a little news and then M was off to class. I was lucky to find "Chicago" running on E! - lucky because I've had the soundtrack in the car all week, singing unabashedly at the top of my lungs, wishing I hadn't quit Show Choir after 8th grade (Annie, if you're reading this, I'm totally jealous that you stuck with it and are STILL with it!) M called halfway through his film editing class. They're broken up into groups right now, assigned different 3 minute or so short films written by a classmate. One of M's group members had the script and promised to email it to the rest of the group. Just before class, M finds it in his inbox, but doesn't have time to open it. The call halfway through class was to ask me to save it as a word doc; the writer had sent it out in the one format everyone said NOT to send it in - I was the only one who could open it on M's laptop (which of course, was here at home, not with M.) I saved the day by emailing it back out in the proper format. . .

only to learn myself that what was sent was NOT the script, but the outline that they all had already. The guy's email said "oops, sorry, I went out of town and forgot to send this" but "this" was the wrong "this" after all that (and of course, he wasn't in class OR answering his phone), Now they start filming next week with no script. Fabulous. Needless to say, the rest of the group was less than pleased. And M wonders why I'm not thrilled with the idea of going back to school.

Anyway, as promised (not that anyone asked, but hey, its something to write, right?), here's tonight's dinner. This recipe came from an issue of Glamour, probably 3+ years ago, but we love it. Its simple, fast, tasty and pretty darn healthy too.

Quick Thyme Chicken (for 2!)

1/3 cup finely grated Parmesan
1/3 cup bread crumbs
1 tbsp minced fresh thyme (dried is fine - but if you must, get it from Penzeys!)
1 egg, beaten
1 boneless, skinless chicken breast, pounded thin (I find that one is plenty for us to share, really)
salt and freshly ground pepper to taste.

Preheat the broiler, placing the oven rack directly under in. In a large bowl, combine the cheese, bread crumbs and thyme. Season the chicken with salt and pepper. Dip chicken into egg, then into bread crumb mixture to coat. Place the chicken on a nonstick cookie sheet and cook directly under the broiler for about 2-3 minutes per side, until golden brown and cooked through. (if your breading starts to burn before the chicken is done, just move the cookie sheet down to the next lower rack until it is cooked through. I did this today for an extra 2 minutes per side, because I hadn't pounded the chicken thin enough, as I smashed my fingers with the mallet instead of the chicken. . .)

We typically serve this with mashed potatoes and - because I'm lazy - a packet or jar of chicken gravy. Besides, where am I going to get pan drippings to make gravy?

Nutritional Score (because I have a wicked software on my PC that does it for me! - though I think this is for a whole breast, not half)

285 calories
8g fat (4g saturated, 1g polyunsaturated)
141mg cholesterol
499mg sodium
382mg potassium
14g carbohydrates
1g dietary fiber
37g protein

Enjoy!

Camping

2008-10-06T12:06:00.002-07:00

M and I went camping this weekend. In our living room :)

We pulled the futon mattress off of its frame, threw down a ton of pillows, hung out and cuddled on the floor all weekend. We caught up on our DVR (tell me you're watching Fringe!), watched a few movies, and just locked ourselves away from it all. It was really nice. We turned off the A/C and opened all the windows for some fresh air. Saturday we made BLTA sandwiches (the "A" is avocado!) with a zesty, spicy mayo that I "made". Sunday morning, we made the most amazing Belgian waffles, with fresh whipped cream (with a dash of my homemade vanilla!) and macerated strawberries. It was divine.

There's just one problem with our weekend in. It dawned on me sometime late yesterday afternoon that we'd spent the entire weekend (with GORGEOUS weather, no less) inside the house. Now its Monday again. . . and I'll spend most of my week inside the house. I'm sure by Thursday I'll have nearly gone stir crazy. Oh well. We do have a lot to do coming up. M and I both have to work this weekend. Next weekend we'll be going to see Weezer at the AZ State Fair. On the 29th, we're going to see Cowboy Mouth in Old Town Scottsdale, and on November 10th, Local H will be back in town. How lucky are we since we've lived here, that almost all of our favorite bands have been to town! Now if only Eddie Izzard hadn't been here TWICE, when I couldn't attend either show :(

I'm off to make lunch. Thanks for reading!

A cooking lesson.

2008-10-03T16:21:00.002-07:00

How Not To Make Homemade Bread Crumbs

Step one: slice rolls in half, place on cookie sheet

Step two: turn on broiler to toast rolls, put cookie sheet in oven

Step three: start washing dishes and forget you put the rolls in the oven.

Step four: wonder why your sink smells like burnt toast. . .

Step five: remember that you put the rolls in the hot oven, pull them out smoking and black.

Step six: throw in the garbage, put "bread crumbs" on grocery list.

One last time, to drive the point home.

2008-10-01T16:54:00.001-07:00

We have been home for less than ten minutes.

The foyer light is on.
the hall light is on.
the laundry room light is on.
the bedroom light is on.
the bathroom light is on.
the closet light is on.

I give up.

I look outside my window. . .

2008-09-30T17:31:00.002-07:00

and I wonder, "is it raining? its so gray outside"

Nope. That's called "dusk". Its what happens in the evening when the sun goes down, and that's what I get for hardly looking outside today. *sigh*. I almost wish I had a reason to go to Fresh and Easy, at least I'd have gotten out of the house!

Today I had a surprise visit from my friend Kylee. Kylee needed to escape her office for a little while, and I was either a safe haven...or just the closest person to her office. Kylee brought donuts, so we sat and shared them and visited and gossiped and giggled. It was nice. I certainly enjoyed the company, as I don't get to see my friends nearly as often as I would like. Tomorrow, I'll get to see a handful of them (and babies too!) as we get together to celebrate nothing special.

I spent today writing a letter for my mom, sorting about $800 worth of cosmetics, and NOT enjoying my lunch, a prepared turkey dinner from Fresh and Easy (so they DO have things I don't like there, imagine that!) . I just emailed M at work, asking him all of the details of his day - the things I normally get to ask him at 5:30pm. "How was your day", "what's for dinner", etc. I miss that, and between me rushing off to work on the days he doesn't have class, and him being wiped out on the days he does, I feel like I don't get to ask those mundane, every day, boring, but important questions. We did have a nice weekend though. A little work, a little play ;) and not much else.

Tonight, I plan to make myself either cheese tortellini with sun dried tomato basil sauce...or a baked sweet potato with black beans and cheese. I can't decide, and I'd better soon, because I didn't finish much of my yucky lunch, I'm hungry, and there are still donuts on the table. . .

For the record....

2008-09-30T10:40:00.001-07:00

the closet light was on when I came home from work on Saturday, when we came home from running errands on Sunday and when I came home from work last night.

Either the cats are turning it on, or M thinks we have a boogeyman. Maybe I'll just remove the switch ;)

I'd rather be in bed...

2008-09-27T08:40:00.002-07:00

A family emergency called my boss back home, so here I am this Saturday morning. 8:40 AM and I've already been here for nearly 2 hours. I'd much rather be at home, likely still asleep, curled up with M, but there will be time for that later ;)

Last night we went out for dinner early, well, early for us (we were done before 8pm, normally we haven't decided what we want by then!) Even though I knew I had to get up early today, I would have liked to have done something else after dinner, but M didn't seem too interested, so back home we went. The thrill of my evening came before dinner, when I slipped into a pair of jeans one size smaller than the ones I just bought. Yay! Maybe walking to Fresh & Easy, even if I do come home with dessert, once a week is doing more good than I thought! M didn't really say much or seem to share at all in my excitement, a bit of a let down I thought. I would have been happy with a "great job baby!" or something, but oh well.

Today's plans include. . . oh, probably nothing. We have to return some stuff we bought last week, so I might do my best to keep us out of the house for the day. When we're at home, it just settles in to M on the couch at the TV and me in the office on the computer, and its mostly because I'm bored with TV and find the couch rather uncomfortable (I can't WAIT to replace it with this: http://tinyurl.com/3s36v2 - and hell its on sale this weekend too! Rats!)

Beyond that, I'll probably try and help M with his homework. Anyone have a fresh idea for a random movie poster they want to share?

Lights Out...

2008-09-26T11:28:00.003-07:00

Yesterday, M and I got a bonus day together, which was nice . . . and would have been nicer had most of the day not been spent at the dentist : ( But we made the best of it. After a moderately painful (both on the mouth and on the wallet) morning at the dentist, we went home and relaxed for a bit, and then went out for lunch. We’d planned to try a local Mexican place, but the whole shopping center is under construction, and though the restaurant is still open, there’s almost no way to get to building, so around the corner to Olive Garden we went. The conversation and company was nice, I otherwise would have been eating leftovers at home, alone. The dentist, unfortunately, had to have M come back for part of his appointment in the afternoon. The good of this is that instead of taking just the morning off, it meant that he took the whole day off instead, yay!! So after lunch, M dropped me off at home and went back out, and I fell asleep on the couch watching an episode of The Smurfs. Once back at home, we had about an hour to chill out before I had to go to work, for all of 90 minutes.

Here’s my random rant for the day. When I left, the only thing lighting up the apartment was the glow from our television. When I came home, nearly every light in the house was on. Living room, dining room, kitchen, bathrooms, the closet, the bedroom, the laundry room and the hallway, all lit up. M had been working in the kitchen, so there’s one I can justify, and three more (hallway, laundry room and guest bath), as he was sorting the laundry. But I find it hilarious that any time he’s home, the master bedroom, bathroom and closet light are on. Anyone else experience this?

We did have a nice evening though. We made dinner together, cheese tortellini with lots of fresh veggies, and then caught up on Heroes and Fringe, before we both passed out for the night. Today, I’m on my own again. M’s workday is a short one, but he has class until he would normally get home from work anyway.

2008-09-25T18:44:00.000-07:00

9-24-08

Last year, my husband M and I moved a few thousand miles from home to a new city. The middle of nowhere. Ok, metro Phoenix. Ok FINE. Suburbs of Scottsdale. Here in the ‘burbs, I live alone with my husband. M has a full time job and recently went back to school, so I find myself spending a lot more time alone lately – more than I’ve had in the past eight years. I feel so proud of M for taking such a big, brave new step, though I would be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit lonely. “Unsingle”. Married, and yet alone.

M and I mostly see each other from Friday afternoon to Sunday night, with a bit of time together – albeit sleepy – on Wednesdays when we carpool. Oh sure, I have a part time job, so I get out of the house when I can, what his schedule and my body will allow, given my own limitations, but again, I do spend most of my days in a quiet house, with the cats (one of whom may be plotting our imminent death as this moment. . .)

So what does “Unsingle” mean to me? It means spending way too much of my morning on Facebook. It means watching old sitcoms at lunchtime, lollygagging to the shower after a workout, and rushing off to work the moment M gets home with the car. It means a late dinner when I get home, 20 minutes of TV before bed, lather, rinse, repeat. On school nights (a phrase I didn’t figure I’d utter until my mid-thirties), it means eating dinners alone, waiting for M to come home at 10pm, 20 minutes of TV before bed, lather rinse, repeat. And our sex life? It’s a weekend social event for the two of us. Weekdays are just too exhausting, unless you’re me, bored out of my head for 90% of the week, anxious for social contact, struggling to fall asleep – consequently the only time I REALLY get to spend in bed, next to the man I married.

But it’s not all bad. On the plus side, my dinner’s alone mean making whatever the hell I want to eat. It means walking to the corner market to pick up the freshest goodies for said dinner…and maybe a tasty dessert to indulge in, all by my lonesome (because there’s nothing more pathetic than a chubby girl eating a slice of cheesecake alone, or is there?) It means watching my ONE guilty pleasure, America’s Next Top Model (what? Oh hush.), without the ridicule, or feeling as if I’ve exiled M to the office. It means leaving the seat down, the lights off, and the kitchen tidy. It means having time to myself to write my meandering thoughts, perhaps a new, weekly chronicle of being “Unsingle”…